Content
What is Complex-PTSD?
Our past shapes us in ways we often don't realize, especially when it comes to how we love and connect with others. For those living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), the scars of repeated trauma, often from childhood, can deeply affect their ability to form and maintain intimate relationships. Unlike single traumatic events, C-PTSD stems from prolonged exposure to distress, leaving lasting imprints on emotional and psychological well-being.
In this article, we will explore how the unresolved wounds of C-PTSD influence the dynamics of intimate relationships. From struggles with self-worth and emotional regulation to patterns of shame and withdrawal, the effects of past trauma can create barriers to connection. Yet, understanding these challenges offers a path toward healing and healthier relationships.
What distinguishes PTSD from Complex PTSD?
While PTSD and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) share some common ground, C-PTSD tells a deeper, more intricate story with its own unique challenges. According to Marylene Cloitre, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioural Sciences at Stanford University, C-PTSD doesn’t stem from a single, isolated event. Instead, it is the result of prolonged, repeated trauma, a complex weave of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, often beginning in childhood.
Unlike PTSD, which typically develops after a life-threatening event like a car accident or assault, C-PTSD emerges from chronic trauma that disrupts the mind and body over time.
For example, a child who grows up in an abusive household or a kidnapping victim may experience not just one but multiple, sustained forms of trauma. This ongoing exposure during critical developmental stages can interfere with the brain's normal growth, resulting in long-term emotional and psychological consequences that extend into adulthood.
In summary, PTSD is usually triggered by a single traumatic event, such as an accident or assault, where the brain responds to a specific, life-threatening situation. However, not everyone exposed to trauma develops PTSD or C-PTSD. Factors such as personal resilience, support systems, and coping mechanisms can determine whether someone develops long-term symptoms. While many may experience emotional distress after trauma, only certain individuals meet the diagnostic criteria for PTSD or C-PTSD, highlighting that trauma affects people differently.
Related Topic: Understanding the psychology of projecting insecurities
How Complex- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder affects relationships
Relationships can be significantly impacted by C-PTSD. It can affect various aspects of a person's life, including their relationships.
Each adult with C-PTSD, who endured persistent child maltreatment, develops unique emotional and behavioural adaptations. These adaptations serve as their primary defense mechanisms, helping them survive and navigate challenging and hostile environments.
It's important to note that summarizing the experience of living with someone with C-PTSD is complex and can't be captured in a single set of traits.
In light of this, the following are some general ways that C-PTSD may impact your relationship:
1. There will be signs of anxiety and excessive vigilance in the relationship:
Individuals living with C-PTSD often experience heightened attention and hypervigilance, constantly scanning their environment for potential threats. The trauma and dysfunction they endured in their family of origin or a series of traumatic events can leave them highly sensitive to perceived danger, even in safe situations.
As a result, subtle changes in their partner’s tone, mood, or behaviour can trigger intense anxiety and fear. This overwhelming sense of alarm may consume their focus, making it difficult to fully engage with their partner’s emotions or needs. In response, they might withdraw emotionally, creating distance. On the other hand, their partner may feel scrutinized or doubted, which can erode trust and lead to misunderstandings, inevitably straining the relationship.
2. People with C-PTSD may have limited tolerance for anger, crowds, etc:
Individuals with C-PTSD often have a limited tolerance for situations involving anger, crowds, or unpredictability. Having lived in environments where they had to walk on eggshells and stay in the shadows to avoid chaos, they may struggle to feel comfortable with loud or spontaneous interactions, such as boisterous family gatherings. In such cases, they might seem controlling, but this need for control is often their way of managing overwhelming feelings of uncertainty.
To cope, they seek control over their daily environment and routine, which helps reduce the anxiety triggered by too many people or unexpected events. However, this can lead to friction in relationships, as small issues in day-to-day interactions may spark intense frustration or irritability. These emotional responses can result in arguments or unhealthy communication patterns, creating further strain on the relationship.
3. There will be a lack of proper emotional expression in the relationship:
When you say or do something, your partner with C-PTSD may react with intense emotions that seem disproportionate to the situation. These heightened responses can lead to frustration and misunderstandings, as their emotional triggers may not align with the current context. Such reactions often stem from past trauma, causing them to perceive threats where none exist.
You may notice unwarranted possessiveness, suspicion, animosity, and anger arising in your relationship. An individual with C-PTSD often unconsciously transfers the negative intentions of their parents or caregivers, those who contributed to their trauma, onto their partner. This can lead to the unintentional recreation of painful dynamics within the relationship. While these defensive behaviours are automatic and deeply ingrained, they can create significant stress and emotional strain, making it challenging for both partners to maintain a healthy, trusting connection.
4. There will be a lack of intimacy in the relationship:
People who suffer from C-PTSD may act out in avoidance behaviours, such as isolating themselves or avoiding social situations, even romantic ones. They are mostly slow to warm up to new concepts, connections, experiences, etc. As a result, the relationship might not start out with excitement.
They can be very withdrawn or numb, which causes them to pull away from their partners. causing struggles with intimacy in the relationship. Their inability to truly connect with their own feelings and be in the moment with their partner can hinder intimacy weakening the intimacy and bond.
The best thing to do when you are in a relationship with someone who has C-PTSD is to be patient and give some time and a bit of boundaries to make them feel comfortable.
Book to Read: Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving | Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skill Training for Patients and Therapists
How Partners Can Help Their Loved Ones with C-PTSD
One effective psychological therapy for treating Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is trauma-focused therapy, which many therapists utilize for this condition. While these procedures may not completely cure C-PTSD, they can significantly help manage emotions over time, enabling individuals to cope better with their experiences and improve their overall quality of life.
Create a Safe Space for Communication: Establish an environment where open dialogue is encouraged. Invite your partner to express their feelings and experiences without fear of judgment. Use active listening to validate their emotions, reflecting back what they share to demonstrate understanding. This foundation of trust is essential for effective communication.
Identify and Challenge Negative Thought Patterns: Work together to recognize negative thoughts and beliefs stemming from trauma. Encourage your partner to share specific thoughts that arise in response to situations. Help them reframe these thoughts using evidence from their current experiences. This collaborative process can enhance their self-awareness and foster a more positive mindset.
Practice Mindfulness and Emotion Regulation: Introduce mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, to help your partner manage intense emotions. Encourage them to pause and engage in grounding practices when they feel overwhelmed. This approach helps cultivate emotional regulation, reducing the impact of triggers on your relationship.
Encourage Narrative Sharing: Support your partner in recounting their life story, focusing on both positive and negative experiences. This process can aid in integrating traumatic memories and fostering healing. Create opportunities for them to share their narrative in a safe space, reinforcing their sense of control over their story.
Set Mutual Boundaries: Collaboratively establish clear boundaries that promote safety and comfort in your relationship. Discuss what situations or behaviours trigger distress and develop strategies to manage them together. Boundaries create a sense of security, reducing anxiety and fostering understanding.
Practice Patience and Empathy: Recognize that healing from C-PTSD is an ongoing journey. Approach your partner with compassion, understanding that their reactions may be rooted in past trauma rather than the present situation. Offer support during difficult moments, reassuring them of your commitment to their well-being.
Seek Professional Support Together: Encourage your partner to pursue therapy with a qualified professional specializing in C-PTSD. Individual therapy can provide them with tailored coping strategies, while couples therapy can enhance communication and strengthen your relationship. Engaging in therapy together can deepen your connection and support mutual healing.
Individuals with C-PTSD can try some of these methods to help them in managing their emotions and thoughts thereby managing triggers that could indeed affect the relationship. It always advisable to see a therapist for help.
Remember to always be open and honest with your partner and express your needs, triggers, and boundaries to your partner.
FINAL REMARKS
Partners can play a supportive role by educating themselves, understanding C-PTSD and its effects can help partners provide informed and empathetic support. It is only sensible that you educate yourself on C-PTSD and understand that most of the trouble or dysfunctional behaviour is not about you in order to be a supportive spouse.
When your partner has an episode, it's best to avoid challenging them or telling them to loosen up, get over it, etc. Such claims merely undermine a very emotional experience your partner has had.
It will help to give more affection, give more assurance, and make small adjustments to lessen risks. Kindness is undoubtedly more significant than correctness. You should be aware that people with C-PTSD can have fulfilling relationships, just like everyone else.
Some Information Sourced from: Full article: Complex PTSD: assessment and treatment (tandfonline.com)
Comments