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18 Things Men Do That Are Major Red Flags
- Yaw Amoateng
- Jul 17
- 4 min read
What is in this article?
In today’s dating world, recognizing red flags early can save you heartache and help you find someone truly worth your time. Whether you're just getting to know him or Googling ‘is this normal?’, it's important to trust your instincts and know what behaviours to watch out for. Here are key warning signs that could reveal deeper issues.
What are red flags?
A red flag is an early warning sign that something is deeply wrong or potentially harmful with someone, even before a relationship officially begins. It signals behaviours or attitudes that could lead to emotional pain, disrespect, or toxic patterns if you continue.
Red flags help you see beyond charm or surface attraction and reveal a person’s true character. They are not just minor flaws but serious signs that your safety, peace of mind, or values may be at risk.
18 Biggest Red Flags In a Guy
Here are some examples of red flags to look out for in a guy:
1. He hides you from friends and family:
If he never introduces you to the important people in his life after a reasonable amount of time, it usually means he doesn’t see a future with you or is hiding other relationships.
2. He avoids places near his home or work:
Choosing only distant or discreet places suggests he doesn’t want to be seen with you, which can mean he’s not fully available or is seeing other people.
3. You’re never invited to his home:
He always has an excuse why you can’t come over. This could mean he’s hiding parts of his life, possibly even another relationship.
You’re always initiating texts, planning dates, or trying to keep the connection alive. A healthy relationship is mutual, and effort should come from both sides.
5. He runs hot and cold:
His affection and attention swing wildly. One moment he’s loving and invested, the next he pulls away, leaving you anxious and insecure.
6. He talks about a future but never acts on it:
He might say he wants you to meet his family or travel together but keeps delaying. When words don’t match actions, it’s a clear warning sign.
7. He disappears or goes silent:
Sudden vanishing acts or long silent periods indicate emotional unavailability and a lack of respect for your feelings.
8. He avoids defining the relationship:
If he changes the subject or jokes whenever you ask where things are going, it usually means he doesn’t want anything serious.
9. He is secretive about basic details:
He dodges simple questions about his life, past relationships, or daily routines. This secrecy often points to hidden intentions.
10. He love-bombs early on:
When he is overly intense at the beginning, showering you with affection and big promises, it can be a manipulation tactic to get what he wants quickly.
11. You feel like you have to “earn” his attention:
He acts as though spending time with you is a favour, making you work to feel valued or accepted.
You’re always worried about losing him, feeling not good enough, or competing for his attention, a sign of emotional manipulation.
13. Everything happens on his terms:
From when you meet to when you talk or get intimate, everything is controlled by him, showing a lack of respect for your needs.
14. He never genuinely apologizes:
When issues come up, he refuses to take responsibility, shifts blame to you, or minimizes your feelings.
15. He speaks negatively about all his exes:
If he claims all his exes were “crazy” or “toxic,” it suggests he doesn’t reflect on his own behaviour and likely repeats the same patterns.
16. He keeps you off his social media:
He avoids posting about you or even blocks you from seeing certain parts of his online life, suggesting he wants to appear single to others.
17. He uses guilt to manipulate:
Phrases like “I’ve been hurt before” or “I can’t trust anyone” are used to excuse commitment issues or bad behaviour and make you feel responsible for proving yourself.
18. He dismisses your feelings:
When he calls you “crazy” or “needy” for raising genuine concerns, he’s trying to avoid accountability and control the narrative.
How to approach red flags in a relationship?
It’s easy to overlook certain behaviours in a relationship, especially when emotions are involved. But learning how to respond to early warning signs can help you avoid deeper issues later. Here’s how to approach them the right way:
1. Acknowledge it immediately: Don’t make excuses or downplay what you see. Accept the red flag as a serious warning sign.
2. Observe patterns carefully: Pay attention to whether this behaviour happens repeatedly, not just as a one-time slip.
3. Trust your gut instincts: Your intuition is your built-in warning system, listen to it, even if your heart wants to ignore it.
4. Gather more information if needed: Look at actions, not just words. People show you who they really are through what they consistently do.
5. Set clear boundaries: If you choose to continue, communicate what you will not tolerate — and mean it.
6. Be prepared to walk away: Protect your emotional well-being above all else. Leaving early is always better than staying and hoping someone will change.
