.png)
What is wrong with me "This is why you feel this way"
- Yaw Amoateng
- Jul 10
- 9 min read
What is this article?
It’s a question so many of us have whispered to ourselves in the dark, typed into search bars late at night, or carried silently in our hearts when we felt like no one else could understand.
When we ask this, we’re not really searching for a list of flaws or a label to define us. We’re searching for relief. We want to know why we feel so heavy inside, why we keep overthinking, why we push people away, why we can’t seem to be "enough" no matter how hard we try.
Deep down, we’re really asking: Am I alone in this? Is there something deeply wrong with me, or is this just part of being human? Can I ever feel better?
The truth is, nothing is "wrong" with you in the way you might fear.
In this article, we’ll explore the real reasons behind that aching question, not to judge you, but to help you understand yourself with more compassion and less shame. Because you deserve to feel seen, and you deserve to know: you are not broken. You are human.
Why You Might Feel Like Something’s Wrong with You
Many people find themselves asking, “What’s wrong with me?” when self-doubt or stress takes hold. This thought often emerges during hard times. Research shows it can result from common patterns like harsh self-criticism, excessive pressure, or unhelpful thinking. Below are several key factors that can trigger that “something is wrong” feeling:
Negative Self‑Talk & the Inner Critic: We all carry an internal critic that judges us. This harsh inner voice fixates on our flaws and magnifies mistakes, often making us feel “not good enough.” In fact, psychologists note that every person has an inner critic built from past messages and anxieties. When we listen to this voice, even minor errors can spiral into thoughts like “What’s wrong with me?”
Perfectionism & Self-Imposed Pressure: Holding yourself to unrealistically high standards makes it almost impossible to feel satisfied. If you always demand perfection (in work, relationships, appearance, etc.), any slip-up can seem like personal failure. Studies show that turning ambition into perfectionism often backfires, harming your well-being. In other words, the more you pressure yourself to be perfect, the more likely you are to interpret normal setbacks as evidence that you are the problem
Low Self-Esteem & Feelings of Inferiority: Doubting your own worth or constantly comparing yourself to others sets up a sense of inherent inadequacy. People with low self-esteem tend to believe they “don’t measure up,” so everyday challenges and criticism hit harder. Low self-worth can underlie the “something’s wrong” feeling: even when there’s no objective reason, you perceive yourself as flawed.
Cognitive Distortions: Our minds sometimes use mental “shortcuts” that warp reality. Common distortions, like black-and-white thinking, personalization, magnifying negatives and ignoring positives, cause us to draw extreme conclusions about ourselves.
For example, you might turn one mistake into “I’m a total failure” or conclude “Everyone else is fine and only I am broken.” As Harvard Health explains, these unhelpful filters “increase our misery… and make us feel bad about ourselves”. In short, distorted thinking patterns can trick you into feeling that something is wrong, even when it’s not.
Rumination on the Past: Constantly replaying old mistakes or failures in your mind is very common. Most people ruminate at times, especially when anxious or upset. But if you keep obsessing over past events “I messed up before, so I’ll mess up again”, you reinforce negative beliefs. This repetitive negative thinking only deepens the sense that you are the problem.
Life Stress & Overwhelm: Sometimes the culprit isn’t you at all but your situation. Facing heavy responsibilities (like work demands, family obligations, financial stress) can leave you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Feeling swamped by life’s pressures is common, and it can trigger a sense of self-doubt.
Feeling overwhelmed is a common experience, and that when circumstances pile up, it’s natural to feel like you can’t keep up. In such moments, your brain may look for a reason inside you, leading to thoughts like “Maybe I’m the one who’s failing.”
Underlying Health or Mental Health Issues: In some cases, a persistent feeling that something is “off” can be a sign of a deeper issue. Chronic anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions often manifest as a vague sense that you’re not okay.
Harvard Health Publishing observes that depression and anxiety often show up with a deep sense that something is “off” or “wrong”. Similarly, any ongoing physical illness or chronic fatigue can provoke worries that something inside you is abnormal. These are signals, not personal defects, suggesting you may need support, treatment, or lifestyle changes.
Is it Normal to Feel This Way?
Yes. Feeling like something is wrong with you is actually very common. Experts reassure us that many people ask this question during stressful periods. For instance, Verywell Mind points out that when we’re overwhelmed, stuck, lonely, or facing life challenges, “it’s a feeling that many of us experience”. It even reminds us that “we all have this feeling sometimes,” so you’re not alone in this experience. In other words, questioning yourself under pressure is a normal human reaction.
Mental health professionals actually view this self-questioning in a positive light. Experts explain, asking “What is wrong with me?” means you’re self-aware and seeking clarity, not that you’re failing. It shows you’re brave enough to face uncomfortable feelings and that you care about improving yourself.
Having these doubts is part of being human. We all have an inner critic and internalized worries that sometimes flood our minds. It’s not your fault that these thoughts pop up, they’re a normal by-product of how our brains process stress and negative messages.
How can I start feeling better?
When inner turmoil or chronic self-doubt strikes, people often hear about journaling or mindfulness, but lesser-known, research-backed techniques can also help calm the mind.
Below we explore practical methods drawn from recent psychology and neuroscience findings. Explaining how to do each and why it works, focusing on options beyond the usual tips.
1. Label Your Emotions (Affect Labeling):
Explicitly putting feelings into words “I feel anxious,” “I am really angry”, can curb their power. This “affect labelling” engages the brain’s verbal and self-control networks to down-regulate the emotional response.
In experiments, simply choosing a word for one’s intense feelings significantly reduced distress, especially for strongly aversive emotions. (In fact, research even found that hearing someone else accurately name your emotion e.g. “You seem upset”, calmed people more than self-labelling).
This works because labelling shifts some processing into rational brain regions and interrupts the raw emotional loop, helping people feel less overwhelmed.
When upset, pause and name your feeling (out loud or in writing)
If possible, get someone else to mirror-label it (“It sounds like you’re feeling anxious right now”). Studies show hearing our own emotion named aloud dampens its intensity.
Practice a quick daily check-in: take a deep breath, scan your body, and put a name on what you find (angry, tired, scared, etc.). This small step itself activates the brain’s emotion-regulation circuits and can make problems feel more manageable.
2. Third-Person Self-Talk (Self-Distancing):
Closely related to labelling is self-distancing: Instead of talking to yourself as “I,” shift to your own name or third-person. For example, say to yourself “Alex is feeling frustrated,” or “Why is Alex upset?” This simple trick promotes psychological distance.
In practice, this takes the pressure off: it’s like giving yourself the objectivity you’d offer a friend, which research finds reduces rumination and lets you reason more wisely about your situation.
Try it right away: if you feel bad, internally refer to yourself by name (“[Name] is nervous”).
Write about a problem in third-person. For example, keep a brief diary entry but call yourself by name (“John felt angry when…”). Studies indicate this can lessen the emotional sting.
Imagine giving advice to a friend about your situation, as if it were theirs – this self-distanced perspective tends to produce kinder, more balanced thinking.
3. Expressive Writing and Creative Processing:
Many clinical trials and reviews report that even short bouts of candid, stream-of-consciousness writing can improve mood and health. The key is to write freely and privately, focusing on inner emotional reality (not polished storytelling). This helps organize chaotic feelings, find meaning in events, and integrate them into your life story.
Pennebaker’s classic research showed that people who wrote about traumatic events used more causal and insight words, indicating deeper understanding and reappraisal. In other words, expressive writing forces your brain to make sense of problems, which reduces their grip over time.
Set aside about 15–20 minutes for expressive writing on consecutive days. Write continuously about what’s bothering you without judging grammar or style.
Focus on how you feel and why events might have happened, using sensory details. Don’t worry about staying positive, it’s okay to vent the negative.
Reflect afterwards by reading what you wrote. Often you’ll notice new insights or solutions.
4. Immersion in Nature and Green Environments:
Spending time in nature is backed by neuroscience too, especially for regulating stress. Being in forests, parks, or even gardens activates the body’s relaxation systems. For example, viewing natural scenes after a stressor significantly boosted parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) activity compared to viewing urban scenes.
Real forest outings (forest bathing) consistently lower cortisol and raise heart-rate variability, markers of reduced stress. These benefits are greatest for people who feel connected to nature: those who pay attention to nature’s sights, sounds and details gain more stress relief than distracted visitors.
The take-away is that active engagement with green spaces, even just noticing trees, birds, or sky, can have a calming effect on the nervous system.
Mindfully attending to nature amplifies its soothing power.
Visit a park or garden intentionally: leave your phone aside and observe details around you (leaves rustling, birds, sunlight). Just 10–15 minutes can boost mood.
Forest bathing: if you can, spend time slowly walking in a woodland or forest area, focusing on smell, texture, and light.
Bring nature to you: keep potted plants indoors or sit by a window with a view of trees. The more “into” nature you feel, the stronger the effect, so try to really immerse your senses as you do this.
5. Posture and Bodily Feedback:
Physical posture and simple body gestures can feed back into your emotions. Sitting or standing with an upright, open posture (shoulders back, spine straight, chin lifted) can immediately lift mood and confidence. In people with mild depression, adopting a tall posture during a stress task leads to higher positive effect and less fatigue than slouching.
This may be because good posture signals safety to the brain (reducing self-focus and stress hormones). Similarly, adopting expansive “power poses” or simply stretching after crying can help reset your physiology. On the flip side, hunching or slumping tends to reinforce feelings of defeat or sadness, so changing your stance can send your brain a new message: “I can handle this.”
When you feel down or tired, sit or stand tall: roll your shoulders back, open your chest, and breathe from your diaphragm. Even a minute of this tends to increase alertness and reduce self-consciousness.
Take a powerful stance before a challenging conversation or task (feet apart, arms akimbo). This signals your nervous system to prepare with confidence.
Shake it out: Sometimes a quick shake of the arms or a stretch can break a freezing fear/stress response. For example, after intense crying or anxiety, let your body shudder or laugh out a sudden exhale – these forceful movements stimulate the vagus nerve and help return you to calm.
6. Facial Expressions and Breath (Vagal Activation):
Our facial muscles and breathing patterns send constant feedback to the brain. Even when forced, genuinely makes people feel happier. So a conscious fake-smile or a minute of gentle grinning can nudge your mood upward. Similarly, humming or chanting quietly also engages the vagus nerve and slows the heart.
Smile for 30 seconds (even fake it): lift the corners of your mouth and soften your eyes.
Humming or soft singing: take a slow, deep breath in, then hum steadily on the exhale. Try this for a minute or two.
Deep exhale: forceful exhalation (with audible sigh or gentle “ha” sound). After crying or feeling panicky, a long sigh or a gentle hum can help your heart rate return to normal.
7. Emotional Release (Allowing Crying):
Finally, giving yourself permission to cry or express intense feelings physically can be cathartic. Emotional tears activate the parasympathetic system: heart rate often slows before and during crying, then returns to baseline as you recover.
Tearful crying also triggers release of endorphins and oxytocin (natural pain-relievers and bonding hormones), which is why many feel relief after a good cry. Of course, crying isn’t a cure-all, but when stress feels too high, finding a private moment to let tears out can genuinely ease both body and mind.
Find a safe, private space when you feel overwhelmed and allow yourself to weep or shout softly if needed. Try rocking or taking slow, deep breaths as you do – this pattern (slow breath + sobbing) naturally calms the nervous system..
Remember: crying is a reset. After you release tears, rub your eyes or gently massage your face; notice how your breathing becomes more even. These physiological changes indicate your body is moving back toward calm.
Each of these methods taps into different mind-body mechanisms. They are practical, easy to try, and supported by research – even when traditional methods falter. Incorporating one or more can diversify your coping toolbox. Over time, practicing these lesser-known techniques may build emotional resilience and a sense of agency in regulating your inner state.