What Really Makes Us Sexually Attracted To Someone?

Yaw Amoateng
May 14
4 min read

Updated: Jun 14

What is in this article?

Two people sexually attracted to each other

We’ve all experienced the unmistakable pull of sexual attraction toward another person at some point. It can be immediate, or it may build gradually over time. This attraction can be triggered by anything from someone's physical appearance to their body language or even the tone of their voice.

Sexual attraction is a natural part of human behaviour, deeply rooted in both biology and psychology. It influences who we notice, pursue, and connect with on an intimate level. Despite its commonality, sexual attraction remains one of the most complex aspects of relationships. It can strengthen emotional bonds or create tension, especially when feelings are not mutual or socially appropriate. In this article, we’ll explore what sexual attraction really is, what shapes it, and how it impacts our relationships.

What Is Sexual Attraction?

Sexual attraction is an intense pull you feel when someone just "does it" for you. You may look at them, hear their voice, or catch a whiff of their scent. Suddenly, you’re thinking about what it would be like to be intimate with them. It’s not always logical; it just strikes you. It could be their looks, confidence, body language, or even their laugh that grabs your attention.

This attraction can develop quickly (within seconds of meeting someone) or it can grow gradually as you get to know them. While we often associate sexual attraction with physical appearance, it encompasses much more. A specific tone of voice, their posture, or even their energy can trigger sexual interest.

Regardless of the source, sexual attraction stirs a desire for a sexual connection. It’s distinct from simply liking someone or craving emotional closeness. You might feel a strong physical craving without wanting a full-blown relationship. While biology and hormones play a role, personal experiences, exposure, and preferences also shape attraction.

Why Do We Get Sexually Attracted?

Biological Cues: Our brains are wired to find specific physical traits attractive. Features that signal health, fertility, or genetic quality often attract us, whether we consciously realize it or not. For instance, facial symmetry, clear skin, and pronounced body shapes can indicate reproductive fitness.
Hormonal Influence: Hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and dopamine significantly impact attraction levels. These chemicals can amplify desire and increase sensitivity to attraction triggers and desirable characteristics in others.
Sensory Triggers: Sometimes, it's not just what we see that attracts us; rather, what we smell or hear plays a crucial role. Natural scents from pheromones, a captivating tone of voice, or even graceful movement can lead to heightened attraction.
Psychological Associations: Our past experiences shape our attractions. If someone reminds us of a positive emotional event or a prior crush, we may find them more attractive. Thus, attraction is not solely based on physical attributes; it also involves emotional and mental connections.
Cultural Influences: Our upbringing and exposure to media shape our beauty standards. What we consider attractive is often influenced by movies, advertisements, and social media, setting the "norms" of desirability.
Emotional State: Our feelings at a moment can affect our attraction. When we feel lonely or adventurous, we may be more open to sexual attraction, but sometimes to people outside of our usual preferences.
Proximity and Familiarity: Spending time with someone increases the likelihood of attraction. This phenomenon, known as the "mere exposure effect," shows that familiarity can foster comfort, which sometimes transforms into desire.
Personality Traits: Certain personality traits like confidence, humour, passion, and charisma can heighten sexual attraction. Often, it's not just about physical attributes; how someone makes you feel can be just as important.

How Does It Impact Our Relationships?

Negative Effects of Sexual Attraction

Influences Partner Selection: Strong sexual attraction often sways our partner choices. We may pursue individuals who captivate us physically, sometimes overlooking deeper emotional compatibility.
Short-term Focus: Intense attraction can lead us to rush into relationships based on chemistry rather than considering long-term compatibility.
Creates Confusion: You might desire someone sexually but lack an emotional connection. Conversely, you may love someone emotionally but feel little sexual attraction. Such mismatches can lead to confusion and frustration in relationships.
Overlook Red Flags: Intense attraction can cloud judgment, causing us to ignore problematic behaviours or traits we would typically find unacceptable.
Shifts Values: Individuals experiencing strong sexual attraction often prioritize looks and status over emotional qualities. Those who aren’t as physically attracted might seek kindness and emotional stability instead.
Reinforces Traditional Gender Roles: Research shows that sexual attraction plays a role in perpetuating gender patterns. For example, men may focus more on physical attractiveness, while women may look for financial security.
Doesn’t Equate to Love: Sexual attraction does not guarantee love or compatibility. It might excite, but without a deeper connection, the relationship risks faltering.

Positive Effects of Sexual Attraction in Relationships

Builds Connection and Intimacy: Sexual attraction can bring partners closer. It fosters a physical bond that often enhances emotional closeness over time.
Keeps Relationships Exciting: That spark of desire can maintain excitement in long-term relationships, making partners continue to feel wanted and valued.
Boosts Confidence: Being attracted to someone can increase your self-esteem, making you feel appreciated and secure in the relationship.
Enhances Communication: Healthy attraction encourages open discussions about desires, needs, and boundaries, improving overall communication between partners.
Identifies Compatible Partners: Attraction helps in recognizing individuals with whom we connect not just sexually, but emotionally as well.
Supports Long-term Bonding: In many fulfilling relationships, sexual attraction works hand-in-hand with romantic love, leading to greater satisfaction and deeper commitment.

Information source: Full article: The Role of Sexual and Romantic Attraction in Human Mate Preferences

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