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What Really Makes Us Sexually Attracted To Someone?
- Yaw Amoateng
- May 14
- 5 min read
What is in this article?
We’ve all experienced it at some point, the unmistakable pull of sexual attraction toward another person. It can be immediate or build gradually over time, triggered by anything from physical appearance to body language or even the tone of someone’s voice.
Sexual attraction is a natural part of human behaviour, mostly rooted in both biology and psychology. It influences who we notice, who we pursue, and how we connect on an intimate level.
Yet despite how common it is, sexual attraction remains one of the most complex and misunderstood aspects of relationships. It can strengthen emotional bonds or create tension and confusion, especially when the feelings are not mutual or socially appropriate. In this article, we’ll explore what sexual attraction really is, what shapes it, and how it can impact our relationships.
What Is Sexual Attraction?
Sexual attraction is that intense pull you feel when someone just does it for you. You look at them, hear their voice, maybe catch a whiff of their scent, and suddenly, you're thinking about what it would be like to sleep with them. It’s not always logical or planned; it just hits you. Sometimes it’s their looks, their confidence, the way they move, or even how they laugh.
It can show up early, within seconds of meeting someone or grow slowly over time as you get to know them. And while we often associate it with physical appearance, it goes way beyond that. A certain tone of voice, the way they carry themselves, or even their energy can spark that sexual curiosity.
Whatever it is, it stirs something inside you that’s all about wanting a sexual connection.
It’s different from just liking someone or wanting to be close emotionally. You might not even want a relationship with the person, you just feel that physical craving. And while some of this comes from biology and hormones, a lot of it is also shaped by what you've been exposed to, your experiences, and personal tastes.
Why Do We Get Sexually Attracted?
Biological Cues: We're hardwired to find certain physical features attractive because they signal health, fertility, or good genes. Things like facial symmetry, clear skin, and body shape (like broad shoulders or curves) are often linked with reproductive fitness, even if we don't realize that's what we're reacting to.
Hormonal Influence: Our hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and dopamine play a big role in how attracted we feel. These chemicals can boost desire, increase sensitivity to attraction triggers, and even make someone seem more appealing depending on where we are in our hormonal cycle.
Sensory Triggers: Sometimes it’s not what we see but what we smell or hear. A person’s natural scent (thanks to pheromones), their tone of voice, or even the way they move can spark an intense attraction. These subtle cues can trigger primal responses without us consciously realizing it.
Psychological Associations: Our past experiences shape what turns us on. If someone reminds you on a deep level, of a positive emotional experience or even a past crush, your brain might label them as sexually attractive. Attraction isn’t just physical; it's emotional and mental too.
Cultural Influences: What we grow up seeing in movies, ads, and social media also defines what we find attractive. Culture helps set the "standards" of beauty, so we often chase what’s been presented to us as desirable whether it’s a body type, style, or even certain behaviours.
Emotional State: How we feel at a certain moment can affect who we’re drawn to. When we’re feeling lonely, adventurous, or in need of comfort, we may become more open to sexual attraction, sometimes to people we wouldn’t normally feel drawn to.
Proximity and Familiarity: The more time you spend around someone, the more likely you are to develop a sense of attraction. It’s called the “mere exposure effect.” Familiarity can breed comfort and sometimes that comfort turns into desire.
Personality Traits: Confidence, humour, passion, and charisma often make someone far more sexually attractive than looks alone. Sometimes it’s not their body that pulls you in, it’s the way they carry themselves or how they make you feel.
How Does It Impact Our Relationships?
Negative effects of sexual attraction
It influences who we go for: We often feel drawn to people we find physically attractive, and that attraction can push us to chase those people, sometimes even if they’re not a great match for us emotionally or mentally.
It can make us focus on short-term over long-term: When sexual attraction is strong, we might jump into a relationship for the chemistry and excitement, without thinking about whether the person is right for us long-term.
It can cause confusion: You might really want someone sexually but not feel emotionally close to them or you might love someone emotionally but not feel much sexual attraction. When those feelings don’t match, it can create confusion and frustration in the relationship.
It can make us ignore red flags: Being strongly attracted to someone can cloud our judgment. We might overlook their bad behaviour or things we wouldn’t normally accept because the physical pull feels so strong.
It affects what we think is important: People who feel strong sexual attraction tend to care more about things like looks, confidence, or status. People who don’t feel that pull as strongly might focus more on kindness, emotional support, or stability.
It keeps some traditional gender patterns going: Studies show that men and women often look for different things in a partner, and sexual attraction plays a big role in keeping those patterns going for example, men might focus more on looks, while women might focus more on financial security.
It doesn’t always equal love: Just because you’re sexually attracted to someone doesn’t mean you love them or that they’re right for you. Attraction can be exciting, but without a deeper connection, the relationship might not last.
Positive Effects of Sexual Attraction in Relationships
Builds connection and intimacy: Sexual attraction can bring two people closer together. It helps create a physical bond that often deepens emotional closeness and strengthens the relationship over time.
Keeps the relationship exciting: That spark or desire can keep things fresh and exciting, especially in long-term relationships. It helps partners continue to feel wanted and valued.
Boosts confidence and emotional security: When someone is attracted to you and shows it, it can make you feel more confident, appreciated, and secure in the relationship.
Enhances communication and vulnerability: A healthy level of attraction often leads to open conversations about needs, desires, and boundaries, which can improve overall communication between partners.
Plays a role in choosing compatible partners: Attraction can help you identify people you naturally connect with on a deeper level not just sexually, but emotionally too.
Supports long-term bonding: In many happy relationships, sexual attraction works hand in hand with romantic love. When both are present, couples often report higher satisfaction and stronger long-term commitment.
Information source: Full article: The Role of Sexual and Romantic Attraction in Human Mate Preferences
Image source: Freepik | All-in-One AI Creative Suite
